Wednesday, January 24, 2007

As easy as...


In a recent comment on my friend's blog, I made reference to a particularly embarrassing experience I had not long after Phil and I were married. After much thought and consideration, I decided to post it. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't think of anything else to blog about. (ahem)

Our first apartment was quite small. We had a kitchen/living room area, a tiny bedroom, and an even smaller bathroom. There was enough room for our queen-size bed, but only just. We positioned the bed about 8 inches from the wall on my side so there was enough room (barely) to squeeze in to make the bed. There wasn't much space to move around in, but the arrangement worked.

Now, we all know that every married couple goes through a period of adjustment when it comes to sleep. After however many years of sleeping single in your own bed, you suddenly have to learn to sleep with another person. The first few weeks after the wedding are adventurous--even fun, I might say. But then reality hits. Ours hit during finals week.

After a grueling evening of studying for our finals, Phil and I headed for dreamland. I slept great that night. I assumed he had too. But he informed me the next morning that I was crowding him all night long, and he couldn't sleep. I felt horrible. (So much concern for one another when you are newlyweds....) I determined that I would make sure he slept really well the following night.

A long day of tests, work, and more studying left both of us tired. We headed off to bed and were soon asleep. My subconscious mind remembered my determination to not crowd Phil during the night. This meant that each time I would surface to consciousness, I would roll away from Phil. It worked well, until I rolled too far.

Remember how my side of the bed was 8 inches away from the wall? You can guess what happened. Not only did I roll off the bed, I was so twisted up in the sheets that only one foot was touching the floor. I was completely wedged and mummified.

Phil woke up to the WHUMP of me falling off the bed, but when he looked over to see what happened, I was gone. At that point, he turned on the lamp and saw one of my arms sticking up helplessly. Then he heard my pitiful cry of "Help me!" (Remember the part in "The Emperor's New Groove" when Kuzco sees the bug trapped in a spiderweb? That's how I sounded. "Help me! Heeeelp meeeeeeee!" But without the spider.)

With much effort on his part, Phil was able to pull me out of my predicament. He didn't even laugh at me. (Bless you, sweetie.) I explained what happened and why I was trying to move away from him as I slept. He felt so bad about it that he told me I could sleep as close to him as I wanted, just so I wouldn't fall off the bed again.

It didn't take long, however, for the cry "Help me!" with an accompanying feeble arm wave to become the family joke. Thanks, Phil.

19 comments:

Lyle said...

Oh those first nights of getting used to having someone else next to you. Between my wife and I we have [while asleep]:
commandeered the other's sleeping space
fallen out of bed
whapped the other person
kicked the other person
hogged all the covers
...just to name a few

The one that happens the most frequently is the hogging the covers. They ought to make sheets, blankets and beadspreads super sized with velcro so that the covers can stay in place and yet not feel tight and confining.

compulsive writer said...

This is not in regards to being a newlywed, but I had to share a bed with another woman once and I had never shared a bed with a thrasher/flailer before. I was shocked!

It's even worse than being T-boned by a two-year-old.

Great story. Next time you need something to write about, consider yourself tagged.

Elizabeth-W said...

This is a great story!
Favorite part--The first few weeks after the wedding are adventurous--even fun, I might say. But then reality hits. Ours hit during finals week.
To this day I'm a horrible hog, but only in the winter. I get so cold that I just lie on my side, and have the length of my back, down to my feet all along his body. If he moves an inch away, I just skootch over toward him 'til I'm against the heater again.

Lyle said...

But once you get used to having someone next to you, how easy is it to sleep if s/he is gone?

Geo said...

Soundtrack to this great post: "Bed's Too Big Without You" by the Police.

becks said...

That is definitely a great story! neither one of us has fallen off the bed yet, but i have definitly experienced the hogged covers. one night he hogged them so the next night i hogged them.

Queen Scarlett said...

LOVE LOVE how you captured the newlywed in bed phase. SO true... now it's like... we're so exhausted with kids... it's kiss goodnight and everyone to thier corners to get some sleep. I remember when we didn't mind being completely uncomfortable just so our bodies could be mashed up in a cuddle all night...

You have GREAT stories. Can't wait to hear more.

luckyzmom said...

I woke up once to find my husband so close to me that I was hanging over the bed,so I got up and crawled in on his side of the bed.

Just once.

sue-donym said...

Remind me to tell you about the time I awoke to the hubby asleep spitting on his pillow. It's pretty funny.

I can't get yout visual out of my head. hilarious!

pflower10 said...

That's a riot Jules! You'll have to show us the feeble hand wave next GNO!!!!

Sarah said...

I love the image! My husband isn't as subtle as your darling Phil and just jabs me with his elbow if I venture onto his side of the bed at night. He CLAIMS he's asleep when he does it by I have serious doubts...

~cari~ said...

Funny story! Geeze how skinny are you to fit in a 8 inch space! My big toe might fit!

Julie Q. said...

Great story. And the title is a nice touch!

Julie said...

Thanks for all the comments. I've had quite a laugh reading through them.

I have to say one thing about the 8-inch space. I was pretty thin when I got married--120 pounds--so fitting sideways in an 8-inch space wasn't as impossible as you might think. It wasn't enough space for me to fall all the way to the floor, though. Like I said, I was wedged pretty tightly. I literally could not move. I couldn't even help Phil get me out.

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

King size bed, baby. There's no touchy in the middle of the night. It's great. Then in the morning, the five kids can almost all fit in between.

Lessel Peeper said...

Several months ago I had a dream in which I was trying to escape from a bunch of alligators in my parents' basement. In a futile attempt to escape, I jumped from the counter to the top bunkbed. While in the air, I looked down to see the biggest of the alligators snap at me. At that exact moment, my wife rolled over in bed and kicked me. Then she screamed and went back to sleep.

...I almost needed new sheets.

Stephanie said...

The visual of this is a crackup! I can just see your hand poking up and your little fingers waving with your hardly audible voice crying for help!

Emily said...

this is the funniest mental image i've had presented before my mind in a long time--a woman mummified in her own bed sheets...suspended!! stop! my side is aching from this laughter ha ha! thanks for the levity.