Thursday, November 20, 2008

Conversations at My House

Seriously folks, this just happened. I typed it as I witnessed it, so my apologies if it feels disjointed. I know I missed a couple of things because, hey, I can't type that fast anymore.

S: {sigh}........{siiiiigh}

Me: What's wrong?

S: A-- won't let me play with J--. {sigh}

Me: Why?

S: Because he says my jobs aren't done. That I can't play with her until my jobs are done.

T: Yeah, he's trying to be in charge, and he's not in charge. Mooooom, A-- is eating crackers on the chair!

[We don't allow food in the living room.]

Me: A--, no food in the living room. And you are not in charge. [He hears this phrase hundreds of times every day, literally.]

T: Mooooom, come and see. He's still doing it.

A: But look how I'm doing it. I'm not making a mess!

Me: [Seeing that he's holding the bowl of crackers clear up to his chin] Food stays in the kitchen. You get greasy fingers on the chairs when you do that.

[no response from A--]

T: I want to watch Curious George!

A: No. I picked this show.

T: But I want to watch Curious Geoooooooorge! [bursts into tears]


T: I want to turn the TV this way.

A: No. I'm the one that chose the channel, I'm the one who's watching it, so I get to decide. I'm the only one who gets to watch because I chose the show.

Me: No, you don't. As long as you're eating, you have to stay in the kitchen, so the TV gets turned towards the kitchen. And everyone gets to watch.

S: [from the bathroom] So when it's movie night and you don't pick the show then you don't get to watch, A--.

A [yelling]: Guess what, S--? You're not in charge! So shush!!!

Me: [thinking, not saying] Now that's the kettle calling the pot black.

S-- comes back and he and A-- then engage in a viewing battle wherein both of them sway back and forth like pendulums, A-- in front of S-- and telling S-- that he can't watch because his jobs aren't done. Now who's trying to be in charge and play police?

A to S: I'm going to tell your friends that you watch Curious George.

S: [yelling] A--!!!! Please stop! Please don't tell them that I watch Curious George. It wouldn't be nice.

A: [in that snotty voice] So? I'm going to tell them anyway. Go get your jobs done.

Any wonder why I lose my patience by the end of the day?