Friday, October 26, 2007

Um.... what was that again?

So last Friday I went in to my doctor's office to have some lab work done.

(Yes, that means what you think it means. 17 weeks, April 4th. Thank you.)

Before I made the drive out there, I called to make sure there weren't any special instructions and to make sure the lab was open. The receptionist, whose English was not so good, answered my question this way:

"The glucose test? Yes, you come fasting."

"No, it's the quadruple screening, not the glucose test."

"Yes, the glucose test?"

"No. The quadruple screening test."

"Yes. The glucose test."

"No. The quad screen."

"Hold on please." (no kidding)

I was transferred to the lab technician, who (thankfully) knew exactly what I was talking about. She answered my questions and recommended that I call my insurance company to make sure they would cover the cost of the test.

Phone call to the insurance company followed thus:

"Hi. My doctor has me scheduled to have the quadruple screen done today, and I want to make sure it's a covered procedure. I have the billing number right here."

"Thank you. I'll check on that for you. One moment please."

(hold music.......)

"Ma'am? Thanks for holding. My computer shows that this is a test done during pregnancy and that it is covered, as long as you are not doing it for cosmetic reasons."

(silence) "Um... excuse me?"

"The test is covered as long as it's not for cosmetic reasons."

(laughing) "Uh, yeah. Okay. I got pregnant for cosmetic reasons. That's a good one."

(no laughing--at all) "Yes, ma'am. The test is covered as long as it is not performed for cosmetic reasons."

"Uh, okay. Thanks for your help."

I thought maybe my sense of the comedic was flawed, until I told the lab tech who did the blood draw. She nearly snorted the entire contents of her sinuses while she poked my arm.

(So my timing needs a little work. What can I say?)


Elizabeth-W said...

Some people were simply not born with funny bones.
I've been waiting patiently for this announcement. YEA!!!!!
So, are you a finder-outer, or a be-surprised kind of gal?

Julie said...

Thanks for waiting so patiently.

I am SOOOO finding out. I need the time to prepare myself mentally if it's another boy. I don't want to jinx myself, but this time I feel (deep down inside of me) that it's a girl. These boys of mine seriously need a little sister to whip them in shape.

Lyle said...

Way to spill the beans! Congrats and all. Why do medical clinics hire such incompetent people that interact with the customer?

AzĂșcar said...

The girls on the phone are often wrong and rarely have a sense of humor (see ~j's blog)

I laughed...

I'm glad you're being out in the open now!

Kengo Biddles said...

Julie, your life has such great writers. Where can I get some to give me such zany adventures?

Julie said...

Lyle: Thanks. I can handle the people at the doctor's office a lot easier than the ones at the insurance company.

Az: I wish I'd had the presence of mind to ask the girl, "So that means I'm not covered? Cause, you know, I get pregnant only for those stretch marks. They make wearing a bikini a whole new experience." As far as "coming out" about being pregnant, if I hadn't done it soon, my expanding belly would have done it for me.

Kengo: Thanks! But you sell yourself short. I've read your've had plenty of zany adventures, my friend. It's all in how you look at it anyway.

~j. said...

I feel this. Yes, yes I do.

Jen said...

Oy Vey!

Sue said...


The Daredevil Mom said...

Wow, that's classic. I don't know which one I like better...the not-enough-english gal at the hospital, or the sour-puss at the insurance company.

What is a quad screening test, anyhow? To see if you're having quadruplets? *raised eyebrow*

Queen Scarlett said...

OH MY GOSH! CONGRATS!!! What is that... like at least 6 blogging folks that are preggers... it better not be going around. hehehehe


Gerb said...

I love how easily stupid people can get a job. Makes for good stories, doesn't it?

~cari~ said...

I thought I read that you were expecting on one of Gerb's posts. Yea!!!! I'll be sending girl thoughts your way.

compulsive writer said...

I think your sense of the comedic works just fine.

Carrot Jello said...

I only get pregnant for cosmetic reasons too.

MommyJ said...

very funny! never been here, but anyone that can make me laugh out loud... I think I'll have to come back!

Julie said...

~j: We've got chemistry. Do you feel it? (I felt it.)

Jen: You said it.

Sue: Thanks!

Daredevil Mom: The Quadruple Screen is "a blood test that can tell you whether your baby is at an increased risk for certain problems. The conditions it screens for are Down syndrome and trisomy 18 as well as neural tube defects, such as spina bifida."

Queen Scarlett: C' know you wanna join the club. Peer pressure... (hee hee). It's in the water.

Gerb: Stupid people make great blog fodder.

~cari~: Thanks! I welcome all girl vibes.

cw: Aw, shucks!

carrot jello: Yeah, those stretch marks are so awesome. Not to mention the acne, the red splotches, and the temporary boobage increase.

mommyj: Welcome! Come back any time.

wendysue said...

Yippee! I wasn't crazy when I read that comment on ~j's blog!!


I'm hoping for a girl for you, then maybe next time around I could get a boy!! (Then again, maybe it would just be easier to stick with the same old, same old.)

Lois, Our Lady of Blogs said...

Yeah, don't get me started on clueless lab people.

After finishing basic training for the Air Force, my brother had to have a physical and the brain-dead lab person gave him the PREGNANCY glucose test for diabetes. Well, the test came back positive and he was rejected from the Air Force. By the time they get it all figured out, he had his birthday and was now TOO OLD for the Air Force.

He then joined the Army and had to do basic training ALL OVER AGAIN!

Good luck on the pregnancy! I'm sending "pink" vibes your way!

Josi said...

Too funny--anything involving a doctor and a health insurance company is guaranteed to raise your blood pressure. I hope the test turned out well.

pflower10 said...

SOOOO, does the quad test come back pink or blue too?

Julie said...

WendySue: Thanks! If I get a girl this time and you get a boy next time, our kids will be perfectly paired up. ;-)

Lois: Welcome to the biffy. I'm always happy to get new readers. I had to laugh at your brother getting the pregnancy glucose test. How dumb can these people be? I mean really!

Josi: And welcome to you, too. The test results came back fine, although it's a somewhat controversial test with many false positives or negatives (why they make the results positive or negative is bogus--the test determines your odds. It's a number thing, not a yes/no thing).

Peef: Nope--no blue/pink results from a blood draw. You'd have to do an amnio to get that kind of info. All you get with the quad screen is your odds of having a child with certain problems. My odds were something like 1 in 380+, so we opted not to get the amnio.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Wait, you're just now announcing it? I think I've known since the summer. How is that possible? Did I dream it? Are we sharing a brain?!!? Because that would explain a lot...

I took a funny picture at the Dollar Store to post a tribute to you and some other bloggers. Soon, my prego pretty....soon. It involved your name emblazoned across a product you won't be using for a few more months. It was just amusing to see a whole display full of Julie, Julie, Julie everywhere I looked.

compulsive writer said...

p.s. I have a post up in honor of you dear sister pottymouth friend.

Geo said...

I think you got pregnant just for comedic reasons.