So last Friday I went in to my doctor's office to have some lab work done.
(Yes, that means what you think it means. 17 weeks, April 4th. Thank you.)
Before I made the drive out there, I called to make sure there weren't any special instructions and to make sure the lab was open. The receptionist, whose English was not so good, answered my question this way:
"The glucose test? Yes, you come fasting."
"No, it's the quadruple screening, not the glucose test."
"Yes, the glucose test?"
"No. The quadruple screening test."
"Yes. The glucose test."
"No. The quad screen."
"Hold on please." (no kidding)
I was transferred to the lab technician, who (thankfully) knew exactly what I was talking about. She answered my questions and recommended that I call my insurance company to make sure they would cover the cost of the test.
Phone call to the insurance company followed thus:
"Hi. My doctor has me scheduled to have the quadruple screen done today, and I want to make sure it's a covered procedure. I have the billing number right here."
"Thank you. I'll check on that for you. One moment please."
"Ma'am? Thanks for holding. My computer shows that this is a test done during pregnancy and that it is covered, as long as you are not doing it for cosmetic reasons."
(silence) "Um... excuse me?"
"The test is covered as long as it's not for cosmetic reasons."
(laughing) "Uh, yeah. Okay. I got pregnant for cosmetic reasons. That's a good one."
(no laughing--at all) "Yes, ma'am. The test is covered as long as it is not performed for cosmetic reasons."
"Uh, okay. Thanks for your help."
I thought maybe my sense of the comedic was flawed, until I told the lab tech who did the blood draw. She nearly snorted the entire contents of her sinuses while she poked my arm.
(So my timing needs a little work. What can I say?)