Or at least I was for 24 hours last week.
I went in for a thyroid scan. That meant downing 3 capsules containing radioactive iodine and then returning 2 hours later and again 24 hours later to have a huge Geiger counter move up my thigh and over my neck.
Did you know that you can shoot up haute-ness? Yup, they did that to me too. Directly into one of my juicy veins. (Forget drugs--gimme some of that technetium.) I was too haute to touch for 24 hours. Seriously. My doc told me: no extended physical contact, no salivary contact (um, excuse me?), sleep alone, wash your sheets, towels, and the clothes you were wearing as soon as you finish with them, flush twice (because that's how your body rids itself of the radioactivity), and wash your hands frequently. All that haute-ness made for an interesting weekend with lots of jokes from my loving husband.
What were the results, you might ask? Well, not all of my haute-ness disappeared down the toilet. My friends, I, your own (I hope) beloved Sister Pottymouth, have a hot nodule. Not to worry, however. Previous biopsies show that the nodule is benign. I just have to wait for the doctor to look at the scan results before I decide the next step. I may hang on to that nodule for a while. It's not bothering me, and it is my one legitimate claim to "haute-ness."
My only disappointment was that my urine did not glow in the dark.