Or at least I was for 24 hours last week.
I went in for a thyroid scan. That meant downing 3 capsules containing radioactive iodine and then returning 2 hours later and again 24 hours later to have a huge Geiger counter move up my thigh and over my neck.
Did you know that you can shoot up haute-ness? Yup, they did that to me too. Directly into one of my juicy veins. (Forget drugs--gimme some of that technetium.) I was too haute to touch for 24 hours. Seriously. My doc told me: no extended physical contact, no salivary contact (um, excuse me?), sleep alone, wash your sheets, towels, and the clothes you were wearing as soon as you finish with them, flush twice (because that's how your body rids itself of the radioactivity), and wash your hands frequently. All that haute-ness made for an interesting weekend with lots of jokes from my loving husband.
What were the results, you might ask? Well, not all of my haute-ness disappeared down the toilet. My friends, I, your own (I hope) beloved Sister Pottymouth, have a hot nodule. Not to worry, however. Previous biopsies show that the nodule is benign. I just have to wait for the doctor to look at the scan results before I decide the next step. I may hang on to that nodule for a while. It's not bothering me, and it is my one legitimate claim to "haute-ness."
My only disappointment was that my urine did not glow in the dark.
14 comments:
You are sooo haute!!! Glad you're taking it all in stride.
When I was in the hospital for my gall bladder they did this weird thing where they put something in my veins, and then put me in a tube and it was a big magnet maybe? Anyway, as this machine kicked on, I could feel this hot stuff in my body. It was a very weird sensation. Modern medicine is amazing! (I was so doped up I don't even remember what that was called.)
Wow, what an ordeal. Just the laundry alone.
And you took it upon yourself to pee in the dark so you could see if it glowed in the dark?
Of course, TMM. Wouldn't you? Just out of curiosity?
What's the point of being radioactive if nothing glows? I feel your dissapointment.
Glad that both you and your hubby are in relatively good health.
So what I'm curious about is did you kick hubby out of the bed or did you try to sleep someplace else. Well other than how much of that radioactive stuff would it take to make your urine glow in the dark? Hmmmmm
one of my physiology teachers told me how to make someone's pee turn blue, but unfortunately i didn't write it down and i don't remember how to do that. too bad about it not glowing.
You can't get much better than radioactive pee.
Darn, so close.
I remember my mom was radioactive for awhile when she was being treated for cancer. We used to joke about microwaving stuff by putting it next to her in bed. I was actually still a teenager so I couldn't be in the same room with her for long periods of time. I guess they were afraid it might stunt my growth or affect my fertility or something?
Anyway, I don't think her pee glowed in the dark either. Cuz that would have been cool.
I felt strangely aroused by the idea of a huge Gieger counter moving up my thigh... I must be ovulating...glad your pee and thyroid gland are doing well.
And congrats to Phil on the successful colonoscopy! Give him a pat on the behind for me ... definately ovulating.
melody, you crack me up!
I sympathize.
Last week an ultrasound on my thyroid found three small nodules. They wanted to do the same testing they did to you but couldn't because I am allergic to iodine. I had it done before and can't even like that feeling. The plan is to ultrasound me again in 3-6 months to see if they grow. My Mom had her thyroid removed.
I love that you found humor in the experience.
I've peed blue before. The nurses in the hospital were ecstatic about it (I've been informed that nurses get very excited over strange things).
I also remember having a shot of something that made me really warm. I went in for a scan of my ovaries, to look for cancer, and I was FREEZING in the flap of fabric they gave me to wear. Actually, I think they gave me two. But after that shot...ahhhh. Nice and warm. Of course, what they didn't tell me was the quart of barium they made me drink would give me horrible gas for the rest of the day. Good thing I was alone.
Gee, you were radioactive, and I didn't even know it. For some reason, I feel like I've really missed out on something. :) Glad you're okay after all that.
Ooooooh, radioactive pee! Is that your new superhero power? Your catchphrase can be "You'll burn when I pee, sucker!", as you leap from one tall building to another raining a golden shower on the bad guys parade.
Wow, I have never known anyone so haute.
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