Thursday, May 22, 2008

I Married a Grandpa?


I married a grandpa. Or, at least, he's suddenly turned into one.

When Phil and I were first married, his driving made me slightly nervous. He was very impatient with slow drivers. If someone wasn't moving fast enough, he'd tailgate. If they turned, Phil would speed up and drive as close to them as possible, just to show them that they were moving too slow. Drove me nuts. Does the person even know that you've just taught them a lesson and shown them that they are too slow? Are they thinking, "Wow. Thanks, mister. I had no idea I was driving too slow for you." Of course not. But he continued to do this.

Other family members noticed that Phil was a bit of a lead foot on the road. I even had some ask me, "Does Phil always drive that way? Or is it just when he's in a hurry?" Nope, it was all the time.

Phil referred to me as "the hissing snake" because I would suck my breath in through my clenched teeth when he would get too close to a car. (You tried it just now, didn't you. Sounds like a snake, right?)

Then Phil read this. Granted, it was my own fault for recommending it. He had been telling me that I needed to drive differently because I was wasting gas, so I told him to look up that article in the RD. I thought he'd find it interesting, but I had no idea he'd take it so seriously.

The next time I was in the car with Phil, we were driving to IKEA to get J--'s dresser. I couldn't figure out who was driving. My lead foot husband had disappeared and was replaced by some grandpa driver. He wouldn't go above 55 on the freeway. In the carpool lane. We had people honking, flashing their lights, and gesturing. I was mortified! I tried my best to slouch as low as was pregnantly possible and figure out where Phil had disappeared to. I tried to appreciate the irony. I tried to look at things positively: at least he was being careful. But all I could think was, "Oh no! I married a grandpa!"

You know how people say that they start to resemble their spouse after being married for a long time? I didn't used to buy it. But guess who's starting to drive more aggressively. Yup.

At least Phil hasn't started hissing at me.

9 comments:

Queen Scarlett said...

Do you feel safer? ;-) hehehe
You always make me laugh.

Elizabeth-W said...

I just saw a note from our insurance (Farmers) that if you have children under 7 they give you a discount because statistically parents with younger children are more cautious drivers.
Maybe see if your insurance does, too.
Just don't show them this post...

Julie said...

Q.S.: No, I don't necessarily feel safer. (I wish!) If it weren't for where we live, I'd be worried that someone would commit some act of road rage because he's driving so annoyingly slow. Then again, maybe he should be afraid that I'll pop him one because it's driving me BONKERS. ;-) Anything to make you laugh....

E.W.: Well, it never made him any more cautious when A-- and S-- were under 7. It was only when he started to be really bugged by the high price of gas that he decided to become a hypermiler and drive more cautiously. (I won't make any editorial comment towards that or it will make him look heartless, and he really isn't.)

cari said...

I think your husband has been talking to my husband! I can so relate to this. Mine sets the cruise control at the speed limit. But, at least he stays in the right lane--ONLY the right lane. Meanwhile, I'm going crazy.

b. said...

I read this.
I've read other articles.
I just can't make myself go slow.
Two speeds. 40 and 80.
That is all.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

My driving speed fluctuates with my many moods....
Pissy=Fast
Late To Scheduled Appointment Anxiety=Super Fast and Super Middle Finger Happy
Depressed=Slow
Going To Work=Super Slow
Happy=Moderate Speed

Geo said...

Better get outta the big city. Grandpa drivers are safer in small towns.

The Daredevil Mom said...

Thanks for posting that article. I'm no hyper-miler, but I did decide to coast more often (being careful not to go around ticking off every other driver on the road). At this point, I will be able to squeeze nearly 100 more miles out of my current tank of gas than I've ever been able to do before. Yay coasting!

sue-donym said...

This made me laugh.

It is so frustrating to me that I drive slower than my husband and I am the one who always gets pulled over. Grrr.