Makes a Mom Proud

Guess what my 2-year-old calls my mom?



Dam-ma.



He definitely takes after me.

Why I Have a College Degree

Epiphany at Girls' Camp

My favorite story from Girls' Camp happened when the Beehives were cooking lunch the first day I got there. Hamburgers were on the menu and they were putting the patties on the grill. One of the older Beehives noted that there was a lot of red stuff coming out of the meat as it cooked. One of the leaders told her it was blood.

"Blood?!?!?!? As in real blood?" she squealed.

"Well, um, yes. This is from a cow."

She was incredulous. "A real cow? Like the animal?"

Then she came over to where I was sitting to share this shocking news: "When they were cooking the hamburgers over there, all this red stuff came out of the meat. They said it was cow's blood!!"

I couldn't help myself. I muttered, just loud enough for one of my former Mia Maids, Leah R., to hear, "Yeah. You'd expect that, being cow meat and all."

I'm such a compassionate and caring leader...so sympathetic to a 13-year-old's naivete.

Disparity or One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

I'm going to Girls' Camp tomorrow, and I have been assigned to teach the young women how to make friendship bracelets. No problem--I taught myself how to do this last year, and I find it fun and relaxing. I'm teaching them three different kinds of bracelets which means I have to get materials, among which are shoelaces.

Problem. In the past, I've ordered laces online and found a great selection of colors and patterns. Well, I didn't have time for that. So I went on the hunt. Do you know how hard it is to find shoelaces that are not black or white? Well, trust me, it's not easy. I made some phone calls and found a place I'd never heard of that sold lots of different kinds of laces. Great! It was at the mall, and I had errands to do there anyway with my 73-year-old mother. (I mention her age because it factors into the disparity.)

Loaded up the boys, dropped the older two off with Grandpa, picked up my mom, and headed to the mall with her and the two-year-old T-man. Mom wanted to go shoe shopping, so we took care of that first. Then we went on the hunt for the shoelace store.

We found it. Actually, my mother found it. It was not what I was expecting. Anyone ever heard of "Hot Topic"? Ever been inside? No? Let's just say the entire store is painted black. It smells like whatever it is kids use to mask the scent of weed. Every clerk I saw had tattoos and body piercings. All the T-shirts had either offensive pictures or offensive statements on them. The music was not exactly the kind that I find uplifting or even decent.

"What the hell am I doing in here????" I think. "I'm a good little Mormon mom with a young child in a stroller and an elderly mother in tow. Oh yeah--shoelaces."

I find lots of shoelaces. Most of the shoelaces have either skulls and crossbones on them or some sort of Gothic symbol. Hmmmm, thinking that the YW president is not going to go for that. Find only two I can use: hot pink with black stars and neon green with black stars. Well, at least I can argue that they aren't pentagrams--if you turn the stars the right direction. So I bought them.

I find myself wondering now what exactly was going through the minds of the clerks and customers that day as they witnessed such a visual disparity? I hope we gave them something to laugh at. At least my mom didn't say anything embarrassing about the skimpy clothing.

Daring Dads

Such brave fathers. My eyes are wet.

Hmmm...so are my pants. What do you think that means?

Hell Day

Apparently, today has a higher potential for evil, being 6/6/06 and all. Not that I'm into all that numerology stuff. It's interesting, though. My neighbor recently had a baby who was born on 4/5/06. How cool is that?

So, getting back to hell, I found myself in fashion hell yesterday at the PostMart while mailing a package. It was like junior high all over again, down to the stupid little alligator thingie. Yes, folks, it's official. That idiotic popped collar thing is back. (I feel like the little girl from Poltergeist--"They're baaaaaaaaaaack!")

Two, yes, TWO young men there had their polo shirt collars popped up. It was scary. One was a customer and the other was one of the employees. And get this: the employee was doing the double shirt thing with both collars popped up. And his outer shirt was a light blue IZOD. Silently, my mind was screaming, "Noooooooooooooo!" I couldn't take my eyes off this strange phenomenon. I thought the popped collar rumors were just that, but here they were in the flesh.

I always hated the popped collar thing. I couldn't pull it off even when they were in style. For one, my parents couldn't afford IZOD shirts, so I got the imitation kind. Of course, that was fashion death in junior high--you have to have the real thing or you're not cool. For two, I always thought the popped collar thing looked stupid. The only time I want my collar up around my neck is in the dead of winter when I'm outside and the wind is blowing. I just don't get the look.

So here's my firm Betty for today: may Izod and the popped collar rot in hell.